I have been waiting for this question for a few years now. When my six-year-old daughter finally asked me one day about babies, I reached out to the books I had bought long ago. First, I asked my daughter what she knew about this topic. Remember the extra virgin oil commercial?
Since she didn’t know anything, I proceeded with the books. I want to say there was an order to my method, but who are we kidding? I just grabbed one of the books listed below and started reading.
And the first book that I read happened to be Where Willy Went. This book explains in colourful detail about Willy, the fastest sperm from Mr Browne that wins the Great Swimming Race and gets the egg that lived inside Mrs Browne. Then, something magical happened as something inside Mr Browne began to grow and grow until a baby was born.
As my daughter was curious about the baby in the womb, we looked at pictures from a children’s encyclopaedia about the human body. I found some of the most beautiful and age-respectful pictures about the reproductive system in the Romanian edition of My First Book about the Human Body, published by Editura Gama (as Romanians living in Ireland, we buy both Romanian and English children’s books). This book seems to be a translation from Italian authors Renzo Barsotti and Eleonora Barsotti; however, I couldn’t find it in another language. In other younger children’s anatomy encyclopaedias that we own, there is no discussion about reproduction. Not in this book as it presents drawings of a boy and a girl side by side and their differences regarding the reproductive system. What my daughter loved the most about this book were the drawings of the fetus’ growing stages. She was delighted to see that the three-week embryo had a small tail. This book has excellent content, as it presents other facts of life, especially how the baby evolves from six months to six years old (the publishing house recommends this book for three–six years old children).
Another fantastic book that discusses the human body anatomy, but for older children, is Let’s Talk About the Birds and the Bees: Starting conversations about the facts of life (From how babies are made to puberty and healthy relationships) by Molly Potter. I wholeheartedly recommend all her books. I read only the pages related to babies from this book (it discusses other topics such as puberty changes). I recommend reading these books and choosing what to present to your children. You know your child best, and what works for one child is not suited for another. Some pages from this book were enough for my daughter at her age. Later on, we will read all content.
Lastly, we read Cory Silverberg’s book, What Makes a Baby, the most inclusive narrative I read about reproduction. In an interview, Silverberg, a sex educator, talks about some friends approaching him to write a book about how babies are made. The friend that came to Silverberg was a trans man, and the books featuring Mom and Dad, or adopting a child, didn’t account for their family. In this book, there is no mention of a father or a mother:
Not all bodies have eggs in them. Some do, and some do not. Inside the egg are so many stories all about the body the egg came from.
Not all bodies have sperm in them. Some do, and some do not. Inside the sperm, just like the egg, there are so many stories about the body the sperm came from.
Just like the egg and just like the sperm, some bodies have a uterus and some bodies do not.
At first it is just a tiny thing. Sometimes this tiny thing does not grow. And sometimes it grows into a baby (like you did).
All books I have presented so far are a great introduction to bodies and relationships, respectfully and without giving more detail than necessary. In hindsight, it was a good start with Where Willy Went and then showing the growing stages of the baby in the womb.
Although it puts a funny twist (children explaining to parents), Mummy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole is too descriptive in some drawings and might be too much for younger children, so I won’t recommend it.
Like many other parents, I was uncomfortable discussing sexual topics with my daughter. However, I couldn’t afford to let my anxieties and inhibitions rule our relationship. We didn’t have one extensive talk, and that’s it, conversation over. Day after day, a page from here, a drawing from there, it became easier to talk more and more about babies and sperm and eggs. I cannot allow other sources (friends, media) to give her inaccurate or unhealthy information.
As Molly Potter writes,
Sex can potentially be harmful, with the risk of STIs for example, but so can crossing the road! Imagine if talking about crossing the road safely caused embarrassment, would that stop you from teaching your child road safety?
Most children want their parents or carers to be the main source of information about sex and relationships.
Won’t this taint my child’s innocence?
Parents/carers that have discussed sex and how babies are made with their children at a very young age would argue that their children are no less innocent for having this information. Talking openly about sex early in a child’s life teaches them that you are prepared to talk about it. It shows that parents are people they can turn to for help and support should they need it, at any point in their lives.
This topic also opened my eyes to approaching other questions: gently and respectfully, guided by my daughter’s curiosity. And good books are worth their weight in gold.
Related articles:
Laura Markham’s age-by-age guide to talking to kids about sex. Markham also presents studies about the benefits of families with comfortable sexual communication, as teens raised in such families are less likely to be sexually active and significantly reduce risky sexual behaviours.
Relevant quote: Body safety education books
It is never too early to discuss such an important topic. We can’t afford to be squeamish and avoid difficult conversations. These books should be read once or twice per month.
- My Body! What I Say Goes!: Teach children about body safety, safe and unsafe touch, private parts, consent, respect, secrets and surprises – if I were to pick just a few books from this category, this would be my first book as it talks about stranger danger, private parts, surprises versus secrets.
- Body Safety Education: A parents’ guide to protecting kids from sexual abuse – every family should have a copy. This book presents the signs of sexual abuse, how to teach Body Safety Education, and, more importantly, what to do if a child talks about sexual abuse.
- No Means No!: Teaching personal boundaries, consent; empowering children by respecting their choices and right to say ‘no!’ – perfect as an introductory book.
- Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept: Protect children from unsafe touch by teaching them to always speak up – by the power of storytelling, children understand they should speak out about improper touching.
- My Underpants Rule – another great resource that empowers little children that it is really OK to make a big scene if the underpants rule is broken. A good set of questions that reinforce this message.
- Not Everyone Is Nice: Helping Children Learn Caution with Strangers – conversation about stranger/danger.
- Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts
When Threats Don’t Solve Conflictual Situations with Our Children
Relevant quote as to why parents should have honest conversations about important topics while parents’ influence is still massive: As James Clear writes in his Atomic Habits book,
We tend to imitate the habits of three social groups: the close (family and friends), the many (the tribe), and the powerful (those with status and prestige).
For young children, parents are the close and the powerful. Once children grow up, the impact of the tribe (school colleagues and friends) and the powerful (influencers, older colleagues) will increase, and parents’ guidance might decrease.
Note: I didn’t post any referral links; I will update this note if I change the links to referrals.