Metaphorical Thinking – Introduction
Metaphorical Thinking – the Cloud Metaphors
Metaphorical Thinking – the Guest Metaphor
Metaphorical Thinking – the Web Metaphors
There are two instances that the metaphor of guest can explain or enhance: treat our children as guests in our life, and how our body is a guesthouse for our emotions.
The first meaning is an idea coined by Haim Ginott, a mentor to John Gottman (Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child), Adele Faber (How to Talk so Kids will Listen…) or Laura Markham (Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids).
Ginott proposes to examine how we respond to our children. We even know the words. It is the language we use with our guests, a language protective of feelings, not critical of behaviour.
I will transcribe some of the text I find more important in case the video is taken down:
“I compared what the difference between my response to a child in psychotherapy and a parent’s response in the same situation is? Suppose a child came into my playroom, and he turned around, and he turned over a glass of water.
My natural response, without thinking, spontaneously, would be: “Oh, the water spilt, here is a sponge.” Now, the principle that I use is don’t say anything to the child about himself, do not attack his character, do not attack his personality, do not attack his dignity.
The principle is “here is the problem, here is the solution.”
Parents, because of their own upbringing, have a native tongue of rejection, a native tongue of attack and what we try to do now is to give them another language, and this is the language of compassion and the language of caring. After this, is all easy to say to a child, the milk spilt, here is a sponge.
By the way, parents know this language, especially when guests come. Have you ever seen when a guest comes to your home and spills a glass of wine, would you say to him: Listen! Next time, if you do it once more …Besides, where were you brought up? In the jungle? That’s where you belong.
Somehow, we don’t talk to guests. If a guest came to your home and forgot, shall we say, his umbrella, would you say to him: Every time you come to our home, you forget something! If it’s not a thing, it’s another.
Mrs Smith, I want to live the day where you come to my home, and you remember to take your belongings with you. I’m not your slave to pick up after you. Why can’t you be like your younger sister? When she visits, she remembers to take all her things.
Somehow, we know how to talk to guests. My idea is that we need to talk to children the way we talk to guests, meaning protective of their feelings. “
Another meaning for the metaphor of guest would be Rumi’s The Guest House poem.
One of the most famous translations is Coleman Barks’ translations that you can listen to on the Insight Timer application; no account registration needed. However, as Wikipedia states, Coleman Barks’ translations have been criticized as he does not speak or read Persian, Rumi’s native language. You can find another translation in Kabir Helminski’s version here.
Our body is a guesthouse, and every morning, a new thought, feeling, emotion comes by.
When anxiety rises in our body, we tend to avoid it, control it, hide it, lie about it, deny it, ignore it. We check all the options except listen to it, adapt to it, acknowledge it, welcome it as a guest that brings inner change.
With a whisper, we can tell our sorrows, fears, cravings, guilt, anger, jealousy, despair, criticism:
I see you.
I do not know what brings you to me but let yourself be known.
I want to know you, and once I did that, it is time for you to let go of me.